Dear dictionary lady,
You creeped everyone out. I (kind of) understand your desire for the perfect dictionary for your English class. I suppose you wouldn’t want to spend $30 on a subpar book of definitions, but you still need to stay on your side of the counter. I was afraid you were going to climb right on over and shake me until I truly grasped your dictionary requirements. I’m still unsure what you were talking about. You had a hardcover thesaurus already and you wanted a dictionary to go with it. Who uses a full-sized hardcover dictionary during class? You said you had to write and turn in paragraphs in class. “Paragraphs!” you said, getting bug-eyed, “In class!” I pretended to to care.
When you wanted to know which dictionary I used in class and I told you I never used one, you seemed offended. You leaned across the counter to explain how your community college classes are very hard, how you are the only one getting an “A”, how professors from the local state college teach there. Is that why the classes are hard? Because professors from my university teach them? Then why didn’t I need a dictionary?
To tell the truth, I don’t really hate you, but I got the feeling that you hated me. Well, me and every other twenty-something in the world. You told me how the 20 year olds in your English 210 class didn’t even know what commas and semicolons were. You had to teach them, taking time out of your busy, paragraph writing class time. Poor you. They are all so stupid, like all 20 somethings I’m sure, and so very, very lucky to have such a wizened person such as yourself to guide them. I was insulted. The other girl working the info counter with me had never used a dictionary during class either and we could easily read the annoyance and superiority in your face. You clearly knew so much more than we did.
You needed an “expert opinion” to help you choose between the Oxford and the Merriam-Webster dictionaries. I walked to the other side of the store and told the person who shelves the reference section that you were crazy. He had no idea which one was better and thought you were way too intense. One of my co-workers is also an english teacher at a local high school. She said Oxford and I brought her opinion back to you. You were way too happy. Then you left my section of the store and I thought your crazy was over.
I was wrong. You brought your dictionary compulsions to the registers. One of my other co-workers tried to tell you about the OED, attempting to reassure you that the Oxford dictionary was the right choice. You had no idea what she was talking about. She tried to explain how you can use the Oxford English Dictionary at the library to look up every word in the English language. You told her that you didn’t want to shop there because they jack up the prices. She was understandably confused. How do they jack up the prices at the library? Books are free. You just have to bring them back. She didn’t know you wanted a dictionary for class. She just wanted to give you some dictionary info to ease your dictionary fervor.
But she is in her twenties, so she couldn’t possibly know what she was talking about. A 20 volume dictionary, who ever heard of that! Not you, and that was all that mattered. Good luck getting that Associates degree and transferring to the state college for your architecture degree. I bet you develop a hunchback carrying hardcover dictionaries and thesauruses around the 8 square kilometers of campus.
Sincerely,
Kelly
