Dear “clever” customers,
When I ask you if you found everything already today as I am ringing up your books all I want in response is, “Yes, I found everything I was looking for” or “No, could you look up a title/author for me, please?” I do not want you to get that smarmy gleam in your eye and say any of the following:
- “I didn’t find a big sack of money” followed by creepy aren’t-I-so-funny laughter
- “What would you say if I said no?” (I would ask if I could help you, jackass)
- “Well, I didn’t find everything I was looking for” followed by a comment about items we obviously don’t sell and how you’ll have to go to Macy’s to get that sweater/speedsuit/whatever the fuck we don’t carry.
- Worst is a combination of the above.
Maybe you say these things because you think you are so damn funny and clever you have to share it with the world. You are not making my day better. You are irritating. Not surprisingly you are often male, older, white, and alone. While you may not be single or friendless (although I imagine you are both) no one wants to go out in public with you, do they?
Try listening to the customer ahead of you. Try doing it without being a creep and you will learn the normal interaction between customer and bookseller. Next, imitate that conversation until it feels natural. Last, don’t ever try to bring your special brand of humor out in public again.
Sincerely,
Kelly
