More little annoying people:
To: Money cougher
You were shopping in the store the other day and starting hacking up a lung in the middle of an aisle I was trying to walk down. I tried to avoid your bacteria cloud but I’m sure it was much larger than something I could walk around. Then you came to my register when you were ready to check out. You were still coughing, not into your elbow or over your shoulder or something, you were coughing into your hand. You then stuck that germ covered hand into your probably germ covered purse and handed me a wad of cash.
Use a handkerchief, or your elbow or something. I had to sanitize twice and I still have a sore throat. I blame you.
From: Kelly
————————
To: Headlight flasher
Again I’m driving home from work and the person in front of me was driving slowly. Not just going the speed limit (40 mph) when everyone else wants to go 45, but crawling. I think we hit a top speed of 27 as we coasted down a bit of a hill. You seem to be one of those people with a tenuous grasp of the fact that you aren’t the only car on the road. You understood that I was there, but not that there could be another car in front of me.
I drive a sedan, you were in an SUV, I know this because your headlights were way higher than my bumper. You have to have been able to see the car ahead of me. I even drove in the right side of the lane so you would know I wasn’t the one going half the speed limit. But you didn’t get it. Instead you decided to flash your brights at me. WTF? Of course I didn’t speed up, because there was A CAR IN FRONT OF ME! Then you turned off suddenly. I hope you got lost in the side neighborhood trying to cut around us. Jackass, I hate when people blame me for things I didn’t do.
From: Kelly
————————
To: Sneezy girl
I was writing at the Women’s Study Lounge at my university’s union last week. It’s a beautiful, quiet room, and it’s girls only. There are no group meeting spaces and if someone’s phone rings we all glare until that person leaves the room. Then there was you.
You sneezed.
Fine, no big deal, I know you can’t really control sneezes. Then you sneezed again. And again. I wanted you to get up and go to the bathroom to blow your nose. You were loud and people were looking. You could at least use your elbow to quiet the sound.
You sneezed again.
Then you laughed. Then some girl who either knew you or was equally annoying and stupid laughed too. Then you sneezed and you both giggled. I wanted to throw things at you. I was eyeing the lamp next to me, I think it would have made a lovely dent in your head.
Next time STFU and take care of shit like that. Reasonable people will leave a quiet room when they are noisy. Next time I’ll throw the lamp.
From:Kelly
