Dear crabby neighbor,
Well, well, well, I thought I would have to search for an asshole for today’s letter, but you found me. Thanks?
I was mulching our new flowerbed when a police car rolled up and parked in front of my car. My car was parked in my front lawn inches from the street because we don’t have a wide street here. We also don’t have curbs or sidewalks. The officer asked if the car was mine and would I please move it into the driveway (where the pile of mulch was currently residing) because a neighbor had complained. Really?
He then asked if we had had someone come out to speak to us before regarding the parking situation. I said no and told him that we had a couple of parties and some officers had come by then about noise but had said nothing about parking. They also said we weren’t being too loud.
I’m pretty sure you called about the noise/fight you said broke out that there was no evidence of because it didn’t happen. You are way too picky. My husband gives his co-worker a ride and he parks on the lawn so he doesn’t block me in. If this bothers you, come talk to me. I would say speaking to me is easier than speaking to the police, but you probably have their number on speed dial. You seem like that kind of person. I hate that kind of person.
But the cop seemed nice, so I pulled in the car and continued to landscape. Then I saw that the cop had driven down two houses and was talking to a group of people in the front lawn. I was too busy being irritated with you to worry about what they were in trouble for. It turns out they’re nice. The neighbor drove by to point out your house and say you were probably who called the police about all of this nonsense. He also told me that the police officer told him (hearsay, I know) we were not friendly and threw a lot of parties. WTF? We have lived here a year and had two parties.
Two.
We told the neighbors on both sides of us about the parties well before they happened. One set of neighbors came out to the party and enjoyed themselves. The neighbor who talked to the cop said we weren’t loud at all and he had noticed only one party.
You need to get a life. Loosen up a bit, take the “No No” dog pooping sign off your lawn and stop sweeping the street. Talk to us before calling the police. The car wasn’t on cinderblocks. We don’t have trash cluttering up the place. We cut down the dead tree and are making improvements. If we park on the street when we have people over it will drastically narrow the road. That seems unsafe to me, but if you would prefer it, fine.
If you keep up this behavior my friends are going to start volunteering to poop on your front lawn. I’ll be hard pressed to find a reason to stop them.
Sincerely,
Kelly
